At times, each one of us can need our alone space and time with ourselves. When we don't want to answer anyone about how we are or where we are. Happens with everyone. What if our loved one isn't among us and we think they're just having their alone time when actually they might be stuck in some unforeseen circumstances where they really need our help? Even a thought of it is frightening, isn't it?
Hannah Upp, a 33-year-old amazing person with a delightful nature and a generous heart. She has always been the one who can light up the room by her glowing smile and rest her charm could do for her. Hannah in her first appearance looked like a girl next door. One fine day, everything became serious for people around her when she herself had no clue about it.
In 2013, a passionate educator, Hannah Upp's excitement was at its peak when she moved to St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Teaching was her forever dream which was now coming true as she was assigned the position of teacher's assistant. For her, that place was no less of a paradise. The Montessori school where Hannah was starting her career believed in a child-centered educational approach. She too was a follower of this trend of education and felt highly blessed to be working there. She was also sent to Oregon by the school for the summer to get certification so that she could lead her own class.
She was famous with the name, “a modern-day Mary Poppins” among her students since the very beginning of her classes on the island. Michael Bornn, the school principal always took parents to Hannah’s classroom anytime they'd like to know about the school's teaching process. Michael used to introduce her to the parents saying, “she’s one heck of an example. She’s not just a Montessori teacher; she’s a passionate Montessori teacher.” Although Hannah was perfect with her job and her life was on the right way without any warning all of this was about to come to an end.
Unlike most of us, Hannah's job was the best part of her day. September 6th, 2017 was an unfortunate day when Hurricane Irma smashed St. Thomas of the Virgin Islands, U.S. It was right before the start of the fourth year of her school session when she was all set to see her students again. Hannah along with her roommates rushed towards the laundry room of their apartment and stayed there the whole night and waited for the storm to pass.
The windows kept hitting inside out throughout the night and the electrical cable broke and fall on their roof due to the strong winds. The ladies were aware that they have to stick together and stay in the same place. It was a long night that looked never-ending at one point of time but as time passed and the daytime came, people started walking out of their homes. The night seemed like a nightmare unless they walked out of their building just to see the destruction that hurricane caused.
Over the period of one night, the whole island seemed different. The hurricane washed off several buildings with its strong winds. The roof of the city hospital was gone and many people were killed. Suzanne Carlson, a reporter from Daily News, interviewed residents who mourned, “This is it — St. Thomas is over.” Hannah was in emotional stress like everyone else but she wasn't yet aware of the hurricane about to start in her brain within a span of a few days.
Hannah understood that its a severe situation. The first thing she did was to get in touch with her family and friends to tell them that she's safe and is doing fine, “I don’t recognize anything,” she said in a text message that she did to a known person. Although everyone took a breath of relief at that moment. What they didn't know was that this will be the last time they heard from Hannah.
After Hurricane Irma destroyed the whole St. Thomas, Hannah was concerned about her ex-boyfriend Joe Spallino, a scuba instructor. She lost contact with him since the hurricane. On the sixth day after the disaster, she drove to his home to check on him and to get more information about the hurricane. When she reached his place, she noticed that all his belongings were gone. Her heart was sinking with bad thoughts but luckily she saw his landlord who informed her that he was fine. So she hurried in the direction where she could find Joe.
Joe was assisting people on a marina to get free rides on the “mercy ships” before the next Hurricane hits the island, Hurricane Maria; a category 5 storm. She met him when he boarding a ship that was heading to Puerto Rico when he offered her humorously to join him. “What if you come along?” he asked, to which Hannah replied that it wasn't a good idea to leave with him. Now Joe wishes if he would have convinced her to get on the ship, she would have been among her loved ones today.
After meeting Joe, Hannah stopped using her phone. She never send any messages nor any calls were made ever. When Hannah went to the school she met the school’s directors, Norma Bolinger, who was helping along with other people were ensuring that the school could stand through Hurricane Maria, which was about to hit St. Thomas within a few days. The next day she appeared at the school but behaved in a weird manner which everyone noticed but no one actually thought would be affecting her so much. They assumed that it was the fear of the hurricane that she behaved in such a manner. What exactly did she do that made people wonder all this?
They were removing all the pictures from the walls. Norma was talking to Hannah when she was replying with the one-word answers, either yes or no. She was a talkative as well as a kind person who enjoyed indulging in conversations. “She totally absorbed the Montessori theory, to the point where I could see her becoming a mover and shaker in politics,” Norma recalled in an interview later on. What was going on with her?
Hannah did a lot of work in the school that day and reached home all tired. When her roommates were talking about Hurricane Maria, she sat there quietly. Three of her roommates decided on getting away from the island as soon as possible and asked Hannah to join them. She freaked out and seemed annoyed with their conversation. “I’m staying— that’s where my heart is. School is going to be the first step toward normality for these kids,” she said to Leslie Bunnell, one of her roommates. This was her last face to face conversation with anyone.
On September 14, 2017, when her friends woke up Hannah wasn't there but they did see a note left by her. They were a bit suspicious of the note as she could have texted the same thing to them which was mentioned in the note. Nobody could understand the need of the note but no one took it as something serious.
Hannah was usually in a habit of waking up early and going swimming. On that Thursday morning too, one of her roommates saw her leaving in her car around 8 a.m. and went back to sleep. The note mentioned that she is going for her morning swim to the beach and will be heading straight to the school. The things became serious when she never appeared at the school.
Swimming in the ocean was part of her daily routine. “She found the world underwater just so peaceful and so magical. Her solace was always the majesty of the island,” recalled her roommate, Leslie Bunnell.
Hannah always took her work seriously and was always punctual in the class and other school-related works. On Friday she didn't turn up on the school faculty meeting when everyone was there to help to rebuild the broken parts of the school. This was when one of her friends and colleague Maggie Guzman got worried and tried calling Hannah's friends and other people with whom she used to hang around.
When Maggie contacted Hannah's roommates, she got to know that she isn't answering anyone's calls and no one saw her since Thursday morning. Maggie panicked and thought that she should check her favorite place: Sapphire beach. She never thought that instead of Hannah she'll be finding something that left her with more questions.
Hannah has always been responsible in informing her friends and family about her whereabouts. It was something that her friends have been noticing since she has been living with them for the past 4 years. Then where was she? And what was in her mind? The answers were certainly unexpected for everyone who thought that they know her.
Maggie reached the Sapphire beach with a couple of Hannah's other friends. All of them were aware of how much she loved to snorkel there. Hence, that was the first place for them to check. When they didn't find her there, they checked on a small bar right next to the beach that was known for its cocktails and hamburgers. That's a nice place to hang out and hence they checked if anyone has seen her there. What they found there increased everyone's distress.
While questioning people about Hannah one of her friend noticed her sundress, sandals, and car keys on a stool. When they asked who left all these things there, the waiter at the place informed that a day before, construction workers had spotted her belongings in the sand while clearing the debris of the storm. This wasn't all that they found on the beach.
A couple of days after everyone realized Hannah's disappearance they found her car near the Sapphire beach in a parking area. When her friends checked inside the car they noticed that her cell phone, purse, and passport were lying in the car. The situation was getting more stressful as it was almost a week now but Hannah wasn't anywhere.
Hannah's friends were trying to console each other with the fact that she was a very good swimmer and there wasn't any way that she could drown. Moreover, very few people were aware that water had played a big role in her life. Hannah was a cheerful person but there were some past dark secrets that seemed to be similar to this situation.
As locals weren't aware of Hannah her friends went to the police authorities as they wanted to look for her on the nearby islands too. They were looking for her across the shoreline and on a small island near St. Thomas, in case she went there with the waves. But as the Coast Guard explained started looking for her through helicopters and checked all the mercy ships. Her friends explained that due to the recent storm finding Hannah was like looking “for one white gal in a sea of troubles and suffering.”
The whole town was aware that a teacher named Hannah has disappeared and Hurricane Maria is soon to hit on St. Thomas. Both news was known to each and every person on the island. Her friends also created a Facebook page with the name “Find Hannah Upp.” The page also included information about Hannah such as tattoo and piercing hoping that this might help.
After a few days of the search, the Coast Guard has to stop it as they were supposed to prepare for the upcoming hurricane when things might go out of their hands. The crew was certain that if Hannah drowned, her body will turn up on the shore sometime.
Her friends had a different theory about her being on any boat heading to St. Croix, Puerto Rico, or Miami and as she's fluent with Spanish, she might helping people who are harmed by the storm but they knew that the chances of something completely different happening to her were more.
Jake Bradley, an emergency medical technician was ready to reinitiate the search on the island. He put her posters throughout the island and kept searching for her in his rescue boat after Hurricane Maria. He investigated the beaches, toured the island, and checked in the hospitals, homeless shelters, and the airport. He got in touch with the ship captains but Hannah's mystery wasn't even a bit closer to a resolution.
Hannah's case information was updated on a Facebook page named “What’s Going on St. Thomas.” This page was quite popular among the people those days to update people about their missing friends and family members. Rumors were that Hannah was recently seen at the Rum Hut bar wearing a slid tank top and she had a bandage on her arm.
However, one guy said it must be his friend, not Hannah. Meanwhile, Barbara Bellus, Hannah's mother managed to make it to St. Thomas to search for her daughter. She had an info which was a missing link that could help find her daughter.
On November 21, 2017, Barbara Bellus reached to St. Thomas when it was already two months when she was last seen. Barbara was a member of Quakers church and the community helped with a one-way ticket. She managed to get a free bed for the exchange of her volunteer work with the Red Cross.
Barbara used to ride Hannah’s black Suzuki and go to her favorite bars, restaurants, shops, and beaches. Barbara used to search for her daughter in the abandoned houses and buildings. She slipped a flyer with Hannah’s face under the doors. She was aware of what happened with Hannah twice before and she was hoping for her to be back soon.
A man working at the Sapphire beach told Barbara, “Everything that goes out comes back this way.” On January 23, 2018, two volunteers at the Bethlehem House Shelter for the Homeless in St. Thomas informed Barbara that they saw Hannah in an abandoned building. Barbara hurried to the place with a police detective.
The detective, Albion George, quickly handcuffed the woman in the abandoned building. Barbara looked at the woman and said to the office, “It’s not Hannah!” What was it that made Barbara look into abandoned places for her daughter?
Barbara apologized to the woman who looked like her daughter but wasn't her. The woman was aware of Hannah's story and said, “I wish I was her for you.” Barbara was so touched by her words and thought if this woman's mother was also searching for her like she is searching for Hannah. Barbara was devastated as this was not the first time that her beloved daughter went missing like this. So what exactly was Hannah's story?
Barbara was still staying in St. Thomas hoping for her daughter to return. Previously when Hannah went missing the circumstances were quite similar to the ones at St. Thomas. She went missing right before the starting of the school year. And both the searches were focused near water. But why was this even happening? Hannah wasn't depressed for sure but what was this all about then?
Hannah was 23-years-old in August 2008, was a Spanish teacher in the Thurgood Marshall Academy in Harlem, New York. A day before the school session was about to begin, Hannah went out of her Hamilton Heights apartment for running alongside Riverside Drive in Manhattan. For the next three weeks, she wasn't seen by her family or her friends. She wasn't responding to any phone calls nor she attended the school. That's why Barbara didn't hurry to the island immediately after knowing her daughter's disappearance. The question what made Hannah behave that way in the past?
The first time when Hannah disappeared her friends posted numerous flyers informing people about their missing friend. Her posters were everywhere, signposts of bus stops and subway stations. Her roommate recovered her wallet, MetroCard, passport, and cell phone in her bedroom. And Hannah was nowhere until two weeks later when Barbara received a call from a detective asking her to reach at the Thirtieth Precinct in Harlem. The detective showed her a surveillance footage of an Apple Store.
Hannah was wearing a sports bra and her hair was tied up in a ponytail. A man even asked her if she is the missing girl but she said no. “I could see her blow off what he was saying, and I knew instantly it was her — it was all her. She has this characteristic gesture. It’s, like, ‘Oh, no, no, don’t you worry. You know me, I’m fine,'” Barbara recalled in an interview. In the footage, she went inside the store, checked her email and walked away.
She was again seen in a Starbucks in SoHo, Manhattan. Unfortunately by the time police reached on the spot, Hannah went away from the back door. She was seen five more times at different locations but police were never able to bring her home. “It was as if the city had simply opened wide and swallowed her whole,” said one detective. It was only after a week that things became clear behind her weird behavior.
Twenty days after Hannah left for the walk, a captain of a Staten Island ferry discovered a body in the water near Robbins Reef on September 16, 2008. They thought the person was dead. When they picked up the body, it was Hannah and she was alive. She was taken to Richmond University Medical Center. The doctors concluded a strange thing about all that was going on with Hannah.
Hannah asked the doctors, why she was all wet. When asked she told her mother's number and her name and her address. Barbara was called and she reached the hospital, her father was in India, and her brother, a Navy officer posted in Japan. Hannah was pale and sunburned nor she had any memory of what she has been doing for the past 3 weeks.
Hannah Upp was diagnosed with dehydration, hypothermia, and severe sunburn. Luckily her condition became better and when a friend came to visit her in the hospital. Hannah said that she wanted to get out of the hospital and start her class soon, she has no idea that the class already started 3 weeks back.
Doctors did many tests and finally concluded that Hannah was suffering from dissociative fugue, a very rare condition in which the patient loses all the autobiographical memories and one's identity. It's a rare form of amnesia that can even lead the person to get a new identity in worse scenarios. “I went from going for a run to being in the ambulance. It was like 10 minutes had passed. But it was almost three weeks,” told Hannah.
The police showed Hannah the surveillance footage but she couldn't remember any of it. She felt awkward after all that happened. At one point, after reading about herself in the articles she even wanted to change her name. Finally, she decided that she would face the disease rather than running away from it.
A year after her first disappearance in New York, she lived with her mother at a Quaker study and retreat center on the outskirts of Philadelphia known as Pendle Hill. She stayed there for 3 years and became a teaching assistant in Montessori schools, one of which was in Maryland. In September 2013, the school year was about to begin and Barbara got a call from the police to inform her that Hannah’s cell phone, wallet, and purse were found on a wooden walkway in Kensington in Philadelphia.
She didn't sleep with her roommate last night and her mother received a call on the very next day for Hannah, she said, “Mom?” before she hung up. A few hours later, Hannah was seen in a dirty creek, she was holding on a shopping cart in Wheaton, Maryland, a mile and a half from her school. When she met doctors, she was informed that she has been walking for 2 days straight and she called her mother from a stranger's phone after borrowing it.
Hannah recovered from the second attack of the fugue state, she went back to work. She started taking more care of herself. “She could remember sending some of the texts, but then there came a point where she said, ‘I don’t remember writing any of this,'” Barbara recalled.
Doctors said it was the effect of her parent's divorce or maybe because of traveling stress but her father said, “Hannah and I have been to twenty-five nations together, so it is ‘normal’ not disruptive.” So what was the reason behind her disease? It could also have been due to her spiritual and religious beliefs and classifications. Her job with the needy children might have provoked the disease inside her.
Both the disappearances took her close to water. Her friend, Amy Scott, said, “The way [Hannah] describes it is she finds herself in a body of water and realizes who she is.” That's the reason why everyone was looking for her near water the third time it happened.
Barbara got in touch with Richard Loewenstein, a psychiatrist, a specialist in fugues. According to him, these disappearances are planned and purposeful, depending on Hannah's mind logics which no one else is aware of. Barbara wanted to understand her daughter's mindset as she too had a similar experience after her divorce. She thinks it must because of the medication. She was driving to the United Methodist church to share a lesson with the community as usual. But she never made it there.
Barbara too went close to a water body and stayed there for hours. She recalls feeling comfort nearby the Willamette River in Oregon. She drove home hours later. When she looked at her kid's faces she realized that she was lost.
Hannah is still missing and her friends say, “She lights up the room. Everyone you talk to is going to say she is their closest friend. She has no barriers. She was raised to trust and care for everyone.”